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Introduction

Today we’re looking at Ephesians 5:21-6:9, where Paul gives instruction on how our individual relationship in family and at work are to be lived out. Unity within a church doesn’t happen by accident. If we want to live in unity with each other then we need to be practicing unity at home.

The unity in our relationships we have outside of church can have drastic effects on the unity within a church.

There are two churches I’m familiar with, who split from each other some 30 odd years ago. They split because of one couple who had marriage problems. I don’t even know if adultery was part of the issue or not, but this couple was not unified – they were at each others throats. And eventually people in the church began picking sides. And after long talks about reconciliation and maintaining the peace the church thought it had the issue solved and squared away – until the preacher got up and preached a victory sermon for ‘his side.’ The church split and 30 years later people are still pretty bitter about it.

So how do we practically maintain our unity? In answering this, Paul touches on three different relationships:

• Marriage
• Child/Parent relationships
• Slave/Master

There’s a lot of conversation about these relationships.

• What does a healthy marriage look like? do traditional gender roles have any place in a modern society?
• How much authority does a parent have over their child?
• There’s a lot of criticism over workplace relationships

Rather than focusing on each of these individually I want to look at them altogether and focus on the one theme running through it all: how these relationships are to be pictures of God’s relationship with us.

Here’s our whole passage, and highlighted in red (14 times) is some variation or example of how we are to live out our relationships:

• Just as Christ does
• As to Christ
• Out of reverence for Christ

This is probably the clearest in Ephesians 5:31-32

Ephesians 5:31–32 ESV

³¹ “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” ³² This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

Paul is telling us here “Hey, all this marriage stuff I’m talking about? I’m also talking about Christ’s relationship with the church.” So is the parenting and work relationships.

We’re all going to find ourselves on either side of the equation, of having power and being under it.

Whether I find myself in a position of authority or submission, am I doing it like God or Jesus have done it?

Wielding Power

Ephesians 5:22–24 ESV

²² Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Paul is often slammed for ‘outdated’ views on gender roles.

This just doesn’t fly for too many people these days. The fact that there is any kind of authority in a relationship that isn’t completely and equally divided is just another sign of the repressive patriarchy. What about equality in Christ? Can the two become one flesh if one needs to be in submission to the other?

Paul is also critiqued for not being critical enough of slavery.

Ephesians 6:5 ESV

⁵ Bondservants, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ,

Bondservant is the ESV’s way of trying to soften this passage to our modern ears. Nearly every other modern translation renders it correctly as slave.

Many would look to this passage, and the letter to Philemon as Paul’s tacit acceptance of slavery. He never tells the master to release his slaves. Even Philemon, a Christian slave-owner, isn’t reprimanded for having Onesimus, another Christian as his slave. Today there are bible scholars critical of Ephesians because Paul’s ethic simply doesn’t go far enough.

So there have been plenty of attempts to rescue Paul from these outdated views, and present him as a progressive who would have really liked to preach complete and total equality in all things for all people and the abolishment of all power structures – but that message was just a little to radical for his audience to hear at that time. (Certainly more radical than a crucified Jew who was raised from the dead)..

What we do see here is that God has designed and endorsed power structures in relationships, in which people have varying degrees of authority over another.

• The parent has authority over the child
• The husband over the wife
• The king over the nation
• God over all
• Paul calls himself a slave of Christ

God is not concerned that some people have authority and others don’t. But what God is very critical of, is how that power is to be used.

Godly Power

Take for example Psalm 72. It’s a psalm that celebrates the king and gives a job description:

Psalm 72:1–2 ESV

¹ Give the king your justice, O God,

and your righteousness to the royal son!

² May he judge your people with righteousness,

and your poor with justice!

The king, the chosen servant of God over all of Israel, is to be characterized by God’s justice and righteousness which then compels him to look after not himself, but the lowest among society.

Psalm 72:4 ESV

⁴ May he defend the cause of the poor of the people,

give deliverance to the children of the needy,

and crush the oppressor!

Psalm 72:12–14 ESV

¹² For he delivers the needy when he calls,

the poor and him who has no helper.

¹³ He has pity on the weak and the needy,

and saves the lives of the needy.

¹⁴ From oppression and violence he redeems their life,

and precious is their blood in his sight.

The reason so many are critical of people in power is because they have been establishing their own sense of justice instead of God’s. Power and authority are wielded for their own selfish sake.

When God gives people power he expects them to use it as he did – serving, providing, and protecting those underneath him. And that goes all the way from the king down to the home.

Loving Power

Look at how the husband is to use his authority:

Ephesians 5:25–30 ESV

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, ²⁶ that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ²⁷ so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. ²⁸ In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, ³⁰ because we are members of his body.

Notice, again, how in describing the marriage relationship Paul seems to be discussing theology more than marriage. Because just as the king of Israel was to have the justice and righteousness of God, the husband is to have the love of Christ – and Christ used all of his power for us.

That’s what Paul said all the way back in Ephesians 1:19. Paul wants us to know…

Ephesians 1:19 ESV

¹⁹ and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might

Just as Christ used his power in service of lost sinners, we have to use our authority in service for people who are otherwise easy to abuse.

So when we find ourselves in positions of authority we have to ask, “Am I giving myself as Christ did, or am I taking like the kings of this world do?” Is my authority a blessing to others or only for myself?

It’s easy for a husband to hear Ephesians 5:22

Ephesians 5:22 ESV

²² Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

And think I’m the Lord of this house! So everyone needs to bow to my whims and serve my every whim.

Christ had way more authority than any of us ever could dream of. Yet, look at how Paul describes that authority in Philippians 2:6-7

Philippians 2:6–7 ESV

⁶ who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, ⁷ but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.

We’re all to submit to Jesus, as to the Lord, but he didn’t use that for his own ends. Instead his power was used in service – washing and sanctifying the church.

So we can look at the marriage relationship, and pound away at the fact that men are the ones in charge, they have the power and authority over the wife – but what kind of power did God give us?

God’s power is a loving power that is used for the benefit of our wives and children. Power that is guided by the sacrificial love that Christ modeled for us.

Modeling God’s Power

Whenever we find ourselves in a position of authority we need to always have the concept of how God is using his power towards us. When addressing masters, Paul writes in Ephesians 6:9

Ephesians 6:9 ESV

⁹ Masters, do the same to them, and stop your threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with him.

Throughout scripture there is a sense of poetic justice – you reap what you sow. This is especially true in our relationship with God.

• There is no forgiveness for those who do not forgive
• Mercy is given to the merciful

When we treat people in certain ways, we’re showing God that this is how I expect to be treated by you.

Anytime we find ourselves in a position of power we need to remember that God is in power over us. However we wield our authority, we’re telling God “This is how I expect power to be used.” Would we be happy if God treated us the same way?

• Threatening to get our way
• Beating anyone who fails
• Living in comfort and ease because others suffer for us?

Or do we want a master who:

• Uses his power for our benefit, even at the cost of his son?
• Who is gentle and lowly, not provoking us to wrath?

Submitting to Power

With this idea of power and authority in mind, submission become much easier for a person to bear. In the ideal situation we are submitting to someone who:

• Serves me with their power
• Leads me to my own good
• Is mindful of their own position before God

In this kind of relationship, submission ends up being for our own good.

Submitting For Our Own Good

Ephesians 6:1–3 ESV

¹ Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ² “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), ³ “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”

Paul is quoting the fifth commandment from Exodus 20. And he notes specifically that obedience to this command comes with a promise. You obey your parents and life is going to be a lot better than if you didn’t.

Going back to the marriage relationship,

Ephesians 5:28–30 ESV

²⁸ In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, ³⁰ because we are members of his body.

What happens when a wife refuses to submit to a husband who is loving his wife as Christ does the church, as his own body? She’s not just causing trouble for him but for herself because everything he does should be characterized by his love and concern for her.

Just as our rebellion against God is detrimental to our own good, so is our rebellion against the ones God has put over us. Just like Israel had no king in the times of the Judges and faced moral decline, idols, perversions, and civil war – our rejection of authority leads nowhere good.

Submitting in Fear

When we submit to those in power we are to do so in fear.

Paul says we are to be in fear of governing authorities

Romans 13:3 ESV

³ For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval,

Wives are to fear their husbands

Ephesians 5:33 ESV

³³ However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Slaves fear their masters

Ephesians 6:5 ESV

⁵ Bondservants, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ,

This is one of those concepts that, again, has a bad reputation. Is a man who terrifies his wife a good and loving husband?

Again, we need to remember that this model of submission is a reflection of our relationship with God. The fear of those in power is explained by that familiar Old Testament phrase “The fear of the Lord,” most popular in the book of Proverbs.

Proverbs 1:7 ESV

⁷ The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge;

fools despise wisdom and instruction.

How are we to understand our fear and submission to God so we can learn how to properly fear earthly powers and authority?

Let’s just remember that Proverbs is written in poetry and Hebrew poetry rhymes in thought, not in sounds. When we have two lines like this the second line is often an

• expansion
• explanation
• or contrast

That helps us understand the overall concept more.

So what is the fear of Yahweh?

• It’s knowledge
• It’s submitting to his wisdom and instruction instead of rebelling against it

Proverbs 3:7 ESV

⁷ Be not wise in your own eyes;

fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.

The fear of the Lord is trusting in him more than ourselves

Proverbs 10:27 ESV

²⁷ The fear of the Lord prolongs life,

but the years of the wicked will be short.

It’s the way to a longer life

It is the way to a better life

Proverbs 22:4 ESV

⁴ The reward for humility and fear of the Lord

is riches and honor and life.

It is having a soft hard that submits to God

Proverbs 28:14 ESV

¹⁴ Blessed is the one who fears the Lord always,

but whoever hardens his heart will fall into calamity.

To fear God is to entrust our care to him, even when we don’t always agree or understand.

That’s the same kind of submission that God expects his church to follow and demonstrate to the world. A submission that has faith in the one we submit to.

• To care for us
• To raise us up

Submission to the Non-Ideal

What if I’m not in that ideal situation? What if I fear my husband or parents not for my own good, but because I fear the pain and abuse?

Paul nowhere says we are to submit only if the powers that be are godly and wonderful and perfect in every way. When Paul wrote Romans and said to submit to the government, he was talking about Rome – that idolatrous pagan nation that gave the king authority to persecute and murder God’s people.

God doesn’t hide the fact that some of us will be submitting to some unpleasant characters. And as we do so we need to remember that it will lead to our ultimate good, not our immediate good.

Jesus’ life of submission led to the cross. I don’t think anybody saw that as being too healthy or good for him.

But his submission also led to his resurrection.

Philippians 2:6–11 ESV

⁶ who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, ⁷ but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. ⁸ And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. ⁹ Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, ¹⁰ so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, ¹¹ and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Even when we are submitting to evil people, we are submitting as to the Lord – showing that we value obedience to him over everything else. We submit to him, not knowing or understanding completely why, but trusting that it’s for our ultimate good. Like all discipline it’s painful for the moment – but leads to the fruits of righteousness.

Conclusion and Application

The relationships God has given us are for our own good. The only reason they aren’t is because we abuse power or rebel against it.

If the ideal use of and submission to authority exists – it should exist in the church.

• How am I using my authority to help those I am over?
• How am I demonstrating my fear of the Lord in my submission to those over me?

When all of us are busier thinking about others rather than ourselves, unity is the result.

And maybe if we were all better at showing this relationship with each other, in the church, at home, and at the workplace, maybe people would start reevaluating their concept of God as some petty dictator. We would be a demonstration of God’s wisdom by showing how he uses his power towards us who believe.